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Maggots, great-grandfathers and stinky alleys

Ajax and cows

Lintig, Germany, back garden, circa 1983. I think I should name this picture “Spot the Cat”. He’s there. Look closely and you’ll see facing the cows two shadowy grey ears. His name is Ajax. Beautiful boy. Intelligent. Played fetch with his ball. Bless his soul. Always in my heart.

Hello fellow bloggers and I hope this finds you well and blooming in all the right places. A few years back… no, more like in the area of 17 years ago, argh! Slow down, do. Parts of me are still lodged in the 20th century. I can’t catch up. And gone off the subject, as usual.

Err, cheese.

Yes, cheese. Not your stinky, ripe old blue where maggots are practically crawling from it cheese. I’m serious. My maternal great-grandfather used to guzzle down blue cheese (and whatever inhabitants in it at the time) so ripe I am practically related to a fly. Anyway, in the mid to late-nineties and for a couple of years I became an absolute vegan and never felt better. Absolutely. And I did it in my own inimitable way (some would call it obsessive) of going the whole hog. Didn’t eat animals or their by-products and neither did I wear them. I would buy my footwear from a great charity called Animal Aid and my handbags from “Stinky Alley” in the heart of Reading, Berkshire.

Yes, so-called because this particular alleyway always ponged a bit.

A curious mixture of Domestos, raw meat and incense sprinkled with unidentifiable aromas would assault your nostrils whenever you were in the vicinity. Reading, for those who are unaware, is made up of old, delightful, narrow cobbled alleyways either side of which sit various shops. And one such establishment was an ethnical type of place that sold material bags made from velvet and anything else as long as it didn’t once have a pulse. Opposite and on the corner to the ethnics with supplies direct from India and Africa and the proprietor’s auntie from Bethnal Green who was a dab hand at sewing, sat a butchers which was the main contributor.

To the pong, I mean.

The smells emanating from his shop were delightful. Blood, fat, raw meat all mixed together with that most beastly of bleaches, Domestos. Hadn’t he heard of Ecover?

Anyway, bear with there is a point. I could never get on with vegan cheese. Frankly it was hideous. I tried. Give me a gold star for trying but honestly I’d have been better off melting the plastic packet in which it came and pouring that over my cauliflower.

And here’s where my ex-husband enters the picture.

Profuse apologies if you are finding this entry to be an elongated waffle. Next week’s will be shorter. Guarantee it.

Congratulations to aforementioned ex-husband for recently discovering a vegan cheese which tastes DELICIOUS! No thoughts of “Why did they bother this stuff is horrible” and “Good grief they must be joking I’m expected to eat that?” even remotely entered my head. Brilliant to see at least one thing has improved in the 21st century. Vegan cheese. Lovely jubbly.

Um, in case you are wondering, I lapsed. At least for the moment. No longer can I claim to be a vege not when I’m sitting here with dead Antipodean sheep gracing my feet otherwise known as Kiwi Ugg boots. And something else too. All vegans and vegetarians reading this cover your eyes. Eating the odd piece of fish. I know, I know, and yes, I have seen “Finding Nemo” maybe I should watch it again. Sorry, not proud of it but each to their own. Live and let live. Make the choice with your conscience. At which point I can’t help but wonder if there’s such a thing as an inverted type of VA? Vegans Anonymous.

Best, best.
Rosie.

PS. I mentioned the elderly woman in a previous blog let’s not forget the mature gentleman who lives alone at the end of your street. Why not take him out to your local for a pint? He’d like that. And you’ll feel none too shabby either.

Skip over to my counterpart as below to read more daftness about insects the size of a small country and their relationship to cooking utensils.

Wolf Black blog:
http://enigmawolfblack.wordpress.com/

Working website:
http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk

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Posted by on January 20, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Ballet and tap.

Bebe2

Bebe 1

Guernsey, CI, circa 1978. It’s a poodle. Yes, it is, no, it’s not a mouse wearing a bear suit on his way to a fancy dress party it really is a poodle puppy. Called Bébé. And what a character she was. A right handful of incorrigible brown curls. Bless you, Bébé. However, should you prefer your canines the size of a small vehicle I aim to please. Simply hop over to my counterpart at http://enigmawolfblack.wordpress.com/
and meet Rex.

It could be my ten years studying classical ballet that… sorry? Oh yes, just call me Rosie Fonteyn why don’t you, anyway, it could be my ballet training that is so installed in me that my posture is such that I stand as straight as a ramrod. Or, at least that used to be the case. Nowadays thanks to my decrepit well-being in general it’s more like a ram’s horn. No, I exaggerate. But my shoulder blades do tend to stick out a tad if I don’t make a concerted effort to stand up super straight and pull my shoulders back.

And there’s the thing.

When you stand as such it automatically makes your chest stick out and considering my cheekbones are the sum total of anything of mine that comes in pairs that can actually be considered prominent, you could be forgiven for thinking this is a beneficial move. Quite possibly but it feels silly but then I’d rather feel it then look it. I mean, who wants chicken wings on their back. I’ve done the yellow canary hair and that’s as far as I care to go in my emulation of anything ornithological as much as I adore them and animals in general.

Except snakes.

And to end on a familiar note. You are now acquainted with the electronic singing choir in the Rosie household? Well, to add to this list I now have a tapping telephone. Yes, my telephone taps, although, it could be described as a tick. Tap… tap… tap or tick as I can’t quite make up my mind, and then a pause, and just as I’m beginning to relax, another tap. What next – a whistling kettle that doesn’t?

Best to you. Tap, groan, chirp, miaow! That was the cat. And quite an acceptable response too when a hasty ex-husband treads on her tail.

Rosie
x

Working website:
http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk

Sally and the Sign People by Rosemary Bach-Holzer

 
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Posted by on January 13, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Spanish athletes are feline

IMG_0002 (2)

Mum’s poodle, Meg, Guernsey, circa late 80s. On her return from the poodle parlour. That’s the dog, not Mum. Yes… do you reckon the stylist was having a bad day or something because I never knew they gave short back and sides to dogs.

Yesterday I couldn’t make up my mind if I was feeling hot or cold. The heating was being turned on and off so many times it looked like I was attempting a Morse code message with my Calor gas flame. Ah, well, at least I’m not on the receiving end of any birds knocking at the window which is always a good sign although the other day there were a couple of chaffinches flitting about in the naked tree pecking away on something only visible to birdy beady eyes.

Tina, the cat, spied them and instantly began a one-way monologue.

Tina is a little strange which has nothing to do with the fact she’s from Spain. I’m sure of it. Like all good Spanish she’s a superb athlete and loves playing with her squeaky mice, catnip mice and my supply of Labellos. She lobs the flying toy back and forth with such skill you could be forgiven for thinking you are in the middle of a tennis match. Or she’ll jump with both arms raised to intercept the flying offender in a move that any goalie would be proud to emulate.

The weirdness comes into play when she attempts to scale my back like Edmund Hillary.

As I’m sitting upright at the time I can only surmise she’s stuck flypaper to the soles of her feet in her hope to scale the summit and plant a Spanish flag on the top of my head. Well, it would make a change from a tin of organic tomatoes flavoured with basil.

I think I’m a little weird so the cat is in good company so to speak.

She’s a rescue cat from Spain hence the flag of her country. I trawled through all available cat rescue shelters to find her as company for my ex-husband. So he wouldn’t miss something weird and catty muttering about the place when I’ve returned to the UK. And that’s weird in itself, I mean, who stays with their ex-spouse? Does any of this ring a bell with anyone out there or is it just me?

Talking of which… all right! Bear with, bear with! Let me get my little plug in. “Cat Tales” is continuing to do well on Nook. Three excellent reviews. Well, two and one with five stars but no comment. Probably lost for words. Thank you kind readers for your input whomever you are.

Well, back to it.

Happy New Year to one and all, and just a thought, say hello to that old person down the road who lives all alone. Maybe even offer to help with something or pop in for a cup of tea. One day, that could be you. Or me. Oh, nice! What an inspiring note on which to finish. Can’t do it. Think on. One is never truly alone when one is in the company of good music, good books, and a good dog (or cat)!

Best, best,
Rosie x

Additional blog:
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Working website:
http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk

Cat Tales by Rosemary Bach-Holzer

 
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Posted by on January 6, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Starting off with all good intentions

Feline falling

Lintig, Germany, mid-1980s. I snapped this right at the moment the kitten fell off the edge of the couch. You can see his little feet caught on camera with their soles pointing north. On the left is Paul, a good friend from Devon, who made a valiant attempt in trying to catch the falling feline. Alas to no avail, however, two nerve calming tablets and a strong, sweet tea soon put things right. I mean me!

As we go forward into a new year I wish everyone out there a great 2014. I’m looking back with fond memories and some not so… such as the time I had on my head the entire contents of a tin of organic tomatoes flavoured with basil blinking furiously as it ran down my face and into my eyes, in a pathetic attempt to correct my hair colour which had gone disastrously wrong. Yes, brilliant, I always wanted to look half human half yellow canary.

May 2014 be happy and healthy and full of fun and how about those New Year resolutions, hmm? I’m going to borrow this bit from Wolfie’s blog. What! So shoot me! I’m bloody exhausted. Yesterday I was working all day on my six websites. My eyes still look like those of a cartoon character after he’s been hypnotised whilst somewhere along the way my brain was swapped with mashed potato at which point this occurred I can’t say for sure. And all morning I’ve been doing battle with my juicer. It won. Say no more.

Yes, I will be nicer to next door’s cat even if he does relieve himself all over my roses.

No, I won’t swear and wish horrible things on the driver who nips in front of me without so much of a flash of an indicator instead of waiting patiently in line like everyone else.

Actually, cut that one. As for the first resolution personally I have no problem with any animal in my garden but I do wish dog owners would clean up after the poor thing has done its business in public. The animal would if it could and whilst dog owners have this ability many choose not to exercise it.

And finally, yes, I will endeavour to stick to my New Year resolution list for at least six months if not the whole year.

And I have one more to add to that. Why not make it your resolution to read more? And I know just the books telling of hair disasters and a pawnographic cat! These and other daft real-life essays can be found in Musings Amusing… what! Again? So double shoot me.

Happy New Year to one and all and let’s wish the same to everyone else.

Peace and Happiness.

See you in 2014.
Rosie. x

Working website:
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http://rbachholzer.wix.com/rbachholzer
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Musings Amusing by Rosemary Bach-Holzer

 
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Posted by on December 30, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Snow Go

Christmas in Carnyorth

Christmas 2000 at home in Carnyorth, Cornwall, UK. Wouldn’t you agree the ladder is a nice touch?! Put out for Father Christmas? A helping hand down the chimney? Or is it strategically placed as modern art? Seriously.

Here we are a couple of days before Christmas and the birds are singing away, chirping their little hearts out they are. I refer to the bird sound emanating from my computer and not the real thing which are noticeable by their absence. On the other hand the fridge has been totally silent with not even a whisper of a seasonal groan along the lines of “Frosty the Snowman” which would have been somewhat apt.

It is cold but not cold enough for snow but perhaps it’s waiting to unleash itself during the midst of winter. It has been known.

When your knickers are straining at the elastic following your feast of turkey or soya nut roast and your nose is as red as Rudolph’s thanks to the copious amount of alcohol you have guzzled down your gullet, you should be in the right frame of silly mind to relax and snuggle down for a laugh and a titter with “Cat Tales”. It’s free and if that doesn’t grab you the two reviews on Nook might!

Happy Christmas to one and all. Until next week.

Rx

Cat Tales by Rosemary Bach-Holzer

http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk

Additional blogs and websites:
http://rbachholzer.wix.com/rbachholzer
http://rosemarybachholzer.weebly.com
http://rosemarybach-holzer.yolasite.com

Wolf Black:
http://enigmawolfblack.wordpress.com/
http://rosibaho.wix.com/wolfblack
http://wolfblackwriter.yolasite.com
http://enigmawolfblack.weebly.com

 
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Posted by on December 23, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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More of a bleurgh than a boing.

Shingy France 2004

Shingalana, France, 2004. Either he can’t get on with the French language and he’s given up or else he’s wishing he’d purchased those sunglasses after all. That French sun can be vicious.

… continuing on from last week’s technology chat let’s include electronic goods in that, shall we? Why not indeed.

Okay! I have four computers currently using two and this is not anything grand it’s only because I buy a laptop, don’t get on with it, buy another, ditto and eventually end up by purchasing a hard disk and monitor purely so I can use my older-style keyboard which is what I should have done in the first place.

And what is this new type of keyboard anyway? No bounce to the keys whatsoever. When you hit a key it’s supposed to give a bit of a boing but not so with these new keypads you get more of a bleurgh than a boing. Plus the keys are off-centre which means when I want to write for example, “typing blogs” it comes out as “roingd vilog”. Who’s clever idea was that? Someone who either dictates a lot or uses pen and paper as no self-respecting typist would have re-arranged a perfectly good keyboard by shunting everything upon it to one side like last week’s fish.

And my point? The laptop makes noises like a chirping bird. Confuses the cat. Confuses me. It’s chirping away right now. I can hear it on the other side of the room. And that’s another thing. My fridge groans. It’s 0200 in the morning. It’s dark, I’m sleepy, just awoken and feeling the need to feed my ulcer, it’s between a yoghurt rice cake and a fruity bar when all of a sudden the fridge lets out this ghostlike groan which makes my blood gelid. I read somewhere of fridges producing noises or else they are picking up radio waves as it’s been said they sound just like Elvis Presley singing. Seriously. Rather Elvis then this withering groan. Most disconcerting.

Be well and keep warm. I will do my best to achieve this. Bye for now.

http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk

Additional blogs and websites:
http://rbachholzer.wix.com/rbachholzer
http://rosemarybachholzer.weebly.com
http://rosemarybach-holzer.yolasite.com

Wolf Black:
http://enigmawolfblack.wordpress.com/
http://rosibaho.wix.com/wolfblack
http://wolfblackwriter.yolasite.com
http://enigmawolfblack.weebly.com

 
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Posted by on December 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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A Charging Bull

Image

And as usual my picture has nothing to do with the week’s blog entry whatsoever although it could be depicted as on a rampage. Yes, it is I underneath the protection mask in France getting handy with a hammer. Ooh, look at all those orbs… or are they dust particles hmm… and did I ever pay for working like a brickie. My body capitulated and I was good for nothing. Serves me right.

A charging bull? That’s me as I am a Taurus and as for the charging bit, well, not so much I don’t have the energy to get mad and charge. At least not at the same time. So, why is there smoke escaping from my nostrils and not because I am inhaling on a cigarette? It’s because of technology. Again. Technology and I do not get along. I do take some of the blame when things blow up or break down but not all of it. What was I attempting to do I hear you ask? All right, let me pretend. I was attempting something really hard. I was trying to open a document. Yes! That’s it. Did it open? No. Instead I was presented with a whirry circle that looks like a plumber’s washer going round and round with a message saying “Gerrof you daft bag you have no business being here in the first place” or something along the lines of “Word not responding”.

Tell me about it.

Puts me in mind of another time of DVD players suddenly freezing and totally unresponsive to a person not a million miles away from here, repeatedly bashing the remote upon their knee and swearing at the DVD player whilst lobbying it with threats of going back to watching videos.

None of which works.

To end on a somewhat familiar note. What! So shoot me.

If this struck a chord first of all I’d love to hear from you and secondly, why not download “Musings Amusing” where real-life anecdotes and stories including my escapades with DVD players, hair dye disasters and pawnographic cats are encapsulated in this FREE eBook. Grab a coffee, definitely decaf if you have an ulcer, snuggle down and click on the link below to find a download to suit you.

http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk

Additional blogs and websites:

http://rbachholzer.wix.com/rbachholzer

http://rosemarybachholzer.weebly.com

http://rosemarybach-holzer.yolasite.com

Wolf Black:

http://enigmawolfblack.wordpress.com/

http://rosibaho.wix.com/wolfblack

http://wolfblackwriter.yolasite.com

http://enigmawolfblack.weebly.com

 
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Posted by on December 9, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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